at some point in my life, i just stopped caring. i can't pinpoint exactly what it is that i stopped caring about. but it has to do with.. the meaning of things? maybe? i dunno. i used to really value the importance of recording experiences. i used to write in a journal everyday, sometimes twice a day. i would write down how i felt, how i thought others felt, what time i woke up in the morning, what i ate that day.. and even though some of that information might not seem important.. for some reason, it meant something at that certain time and i'm glad i wrote it down. i still want to do that. i still want to have a need to want to pick up on little things and keep notes and journals, stuff i can look back at and feel nostalgia from. but stuff.. i don't know exactly what stuff.. but stuff just doesn't affect me in the same way it used to. i've grown tired, i procrastinate, in some ways i am lazy. it must be getting older. i used constantly engage in creative activities. i would write stories, poems, draw, etc. now just the thought of it makes me tired. i want so badly to feel that way again. i need to be creative again. most everything depends on it. but how do i get that back?

and why am i writing this in my thailand blog?

well, i guess, because i feel i should be recording all my experiences here, the moment they happen, because this is a unique few months in my life that i want to remember and learn from. and i'm just not writing much at all. not nearly as much as i'd have hoped to. i still take pictures constantly. maybe pictures have replaced the writing. maybe.