sometimes i forget how much i love to read. being in thailand has given me the time to do it. long bus rides and van rides while travelling leaves you with the choice to either sleep, stare out the window, or read. since i've been here i've read kafka on the shore, lolita, alice in wonderland, and i'm about to finish middlesex. also, there's all the class reading i had to do on buddhism and such. it's great.

okay.

friday nov. 3.
leave early in morning.
go to bangkok.
taxi to bus terminal.
bus to sukhothai (7 hrs)
stay at thai village hotel (hopefully still get a room)
hotel is right by historical park
go to loi krathong that night
maybe saturday night too

sat or sun
go to sukhothai bus terminal
bus to tak province (probably less than an hour)
find accomodation
go to loi krathong at 200 years bridge

sun or monday
go to tak bus terminal
bus to bangkok
bangkok to hua hin


??

this weekend, i gave up going to ratchinaburi to see a world war 2 memorial museum, to just spend the weekend by myself. i need time to myself. i feel overwhelmed right now, thinking of all i have to do and all i want to do before i leave. this week has been strange. on tuesday night, i had a dream that i found a puppy in thailand, which i bought for $300 to avoid it being killed. and i took the puppy everywhere. and then wednesday, robin finds a puppy and anne, robin, and i take it to our room to give it a bath and take care of it a little. it was flea-ridden and exhausted. so that was weird. on thursday, i had class and then went to the night market. i tried to go by myself but that didn't happen. i had company. and then i was up most of the night watching a poker tournament at nino's. anne left this morning. today i'm going to plan my trip to the loi krathong festival that is happening in bangkok, sukhothai, ayutthaya, and tak province. i want to go to 2 of those places, and i might end up going alone. i don't know. we'll see. i'm also trying to figure out my schedule for next semester and trying to arrange an internship.

our room status:

well, the ants don't hang around much anymore. and our air filter seems to be clean because we aren't getting sick. but now we have a new problem. our air conditioner is leaking and seeping in to the carpet. and it's spreading. like a rash. alllllll over the floor. i put a towel down, it gets sopping wet. i tell the RA about it, she does nothing. i don't really know. i'm ready to give up. the water is going to reach my things that are on the floor. i have to move a bunch of stuff today to keep them from getting ruined. i hate i hate VIP.

a note on "Crab"..

Crab is a ghetto dude who runs a DVD stand in the night market. when i first got to thailand, i went there and bought Sex and the City. i thought Crab was so silly that i started to sarcastically flirt with him. i thought he caught on that i wasn't being serious. well, he didn't. the next time i saw him in the night market, he gave me a free DVD. The Devil Wears Prada. i thought he was just being nice. and then days later, i hear from Kelsey and some other people who hang out at SamSam (Crab's favorite bar) that he has been asking about me and wants to see me. a couple weeks went by, and i kind of forgot about this. Anne and I were on our way to SamSam and we passed through the night market. I said hi to Crab and then suggested he come to SamSam after he gets off work. I'm not really sure why I suggested this to him. So here he comes, midnight, with his entourage. anne and i had an entourage, too.. some thai guys we go to school with. after one too many drinks, i decided that Crab and i should dance. so we danced in the bar. then, i wrote my phone number down on a magazine advertisement and gave it to him. i'm not really sure why i did this.

now, here's where it gets creepy..

Crab has been calling me every single day, at all hours of the day and night. 8pm. 10pm. 12am. 2am. 3am. 6:30am. 8am. i have never answered the phone. oh, he sends me text messages too. saying that he misses me. for some reason, he thinks that we are in some sort of love affair even though he knows i have a boyfriend. Crab would be a really cool friend, and i think that's why i gave him my number. but he's taking it too far.

so i see him in the night market last night. he looks relieved to see me. he says he's been calling me. i say, "I know! I dropped my phone in the water! My phone is gone." he doesn't understand so i have to repeat it a few times. and then what happens? he calls me today at 6:30am.

what am i going to do???????????

fall break is over. back to school again. i'm only taking one class at this campus. Buddhist Arts. i already have too many credits. i could have graduated a semester early if i hadn't gone to thailand. but coming to thailand was the smartest choice i've made in a while. i'm still continuing my online photojournalism class. tonight i hope to go to the night market and photograph the street vendors without being shy. i think that the people here that i want to photograph intimidate me. because i can't speak their language. and they may not understand why i want to take their picture. they might not understand that getting your picture taken is a compliment. that's how i see it, anyway. i talked to my mom last night. i ordered some digital pictures that i've taken here to be printed and sent to her. i did this through iphoto. she got the pictures and was so excited to see everything i've been seeing since i've been here. she can't use the internet so this is the only way.

older trip to Bangkok – October 6 and 7

Anne, Lauren, Ben, and I went to Bangkok for some ultra touristy sightseeing of palaces and temples and such. We left Hua Hin early in the morning and got to Bangkok around 10am. From Victory Monument we took the Chao Phraya Tourist Boat across the dirty river. We saw The Grand Palace and Wat Pra Kaeo (Temple of the Emerald Buddha). Before we got in, there were some dress code violations. Anne was wearing pants that showed part of her legs, so she had to change into a long skirt that was provided by the Palace for those guests who weren’t aware of how they’d have to dress. The women who stopped people at the entrance because of the dress codes were really bitchy and you could tell that they were fed up with people not following the rules. Visitors are also not allowed to wear sleeveless shirts or open-toed shoes.

The emerald Buddha was breathtaking. Amazing. We weren’t allowed to take pictures of it, though, so the image will just have to remain in my mind.

On the way from the Grand Palace to trying to find a guest house, we saw two very disturbing things. One – we were walking along a sidewalk, a public sidewalk, and there was a homeless woman sitting off to the side with a can in front of her. She seemed to be unaware of everything that was happening around her. Right before passing by her, she started to unzip and take down her pants. She put the can underneath her and went to the bathroom. Whether she went number 1 or 2, I don’t know. But it almost made me want to cry. The second disturbing thing we saw was a man bathing naked in the river. We were on a boat and he saw the boat full of people passing him, but he didn’t mind. He showed even more of himself, and had a big grin on his face.

So after seeing those 2 things, we took shelter at the Prasuri Guest House. It was super cheap. Our room had 2 huge beds and was clean. The mattresses were like rocks, though. We were so tired. Walking around Bangkok is exhausting and annoying. You have to hold on to your purse as tight as you can because of pickpocketers, there’s no room to breathe, tuk tuk drivers shouting at you. Oh I hate it. Once we settled in our room, we all went to McDonalds (McThai). And that was that.

I woke up early in the morning, went on the balcony, and watched below as a monk got offerings from people who lived on the street. We all ate breakfast and were headed to the Vimanmek Teakwood Mansion when a pushy tuk-tuk driver confronted us with a great deal. “10 baht I’ll take you wherever you want to go!” We tried to say no, because it was too good to be true, but he would NOT leave us alone. Would NOT. And none of us were confident enough to tell him to go the hell away. So after 5 minutes of bickering with him, we decided to take him up on his offer. He told us he’d take us to the mansion, and then where we wanted to go afterwards. He waited outside for 3 hours for us to get finished. And then we got scammed again. We came out of the park, and there he was. We told him we wanted to go to the Skytrain, because we wanted to leave. I was on the phone with Suzy while this was happening, but apparently, he had to take us around Bangkok in order for him to receive a “ticket” of some sort. It’s kind of like prostitution. If the driver didn’t return to his boss with so many tickets, he’d get in trouble or something. So he was mad when we told him we wanted to leave. He kept offering to take us places. We kept saying no. To make a long story short, Anne paid him 900 baht to leave us alone. That’s how much the gas in his tank cost. After giving him the money, we were going to get another form of transportation to the Skytrain. But first we wanted to eat. The driver told us he’d take us somewhere, and then to the Skytrain. The jerk took us to the most expensive place ever. One dish cost 300 baht. The 4 of us sat down, looked at the menu, got up, and left. That’s another scam that those tuk-tukers pull. They take you to a really really nice restaurant just so that they can get a percentage of your bill. It’s horrible. We left and I wanted to slap him. We ended up eating at this Japanese dining hall. I tried to order rice with vegetable in Thai, but they just looked at me like I was crazy. So I just had rice.

Anyway. The mansion, it’s located in a park-like area called The Dusit Group. We saw the Teakwood Mansion, The Ananda Samakhom Throne Hall (amazing), two of the King’s photo exhibits (he’s a self-taught photographer), the Royal Carriage Building, and the Royal Elephant National Museum.

We left and went to Nino’s big birthday bash.

pala-u waterfalls: 14 october 2006

we had several plans for fall break. Plan A involved going to Vietnam. We didn’t know we needed different visas to go, though, and we would have had to get that done in Bangkok. And, anne only has a single entry visa and she needs a multiple. So before we go to Vietnam, we have to figure out that situation. Plan B was Chiang Mai in northern Thailand. That plan failed as well because the flooding that is occurring in the north is worse than we thought it was. It would be silly to go to a place where people are getting dystentary from the bacteria and driving is impossible. our plan turned into Plan C – Khao Yai National Park. but before we left for that place, anne and i went to pala-u waterfalls with tristen, jamie, and tristen's parents who were in town for 2 weeks.

Pala-u was the place we were supposed to go for our Thai Ways field trip, but it was cancelled due to the coup. It was more than I expected. A lot more climbing than I thought.

The park has numerous small waterfalls and a narrow hiking trail through the forests and rocky cliffs. The ground is swallowed up with huge tree trunk roots, which serve as the steps. We took our shoes off going though the trails and while climbing from rock to rock. We were truly “one with nature”, I felt. It started to rain a few times, the dirt turned to mud that your feet would get stuck in, huge earthworms popped out of the ground, we got soaked but just jumped in the water. Actually, I fell in to the water. I was standing on a slippery rock. I thought I was steady but then I slipped and fell on my butt. I started sliding down the incline of the rock. It was like a waterslide at a park, only bumpy, embarrassing and incredibly frightening (because you don’t know, when you reach the water, if you’ll just fall in to the water or fall on to sharp rocks). Tristen and Jamie had a front row seat to my scary slip ‘n slide show. i landed in the water, unharmed, but with a very sore be-hind. Anne, Jamie, and tristen jumped from one tall rock in to the water. I wasn’t able to take many pictures at all because of the rain. I had to hide my cameras under a rock to keep from getting wet. The three of us just climbed and climbed. My entire body is sore today. Oh, life here is just so hard.

We got home and washed up. We were covered in dirt and clay. We went out again, the 4 of us and tristen’s parents. To the Green Leaf restaurant, which has a bunch of really good vegetarian food. Afterwards, I went home and watched Lost and anne went out with Spanky to some bars. I called suzy and she’s doing allright. I worry about her constantly and it makes me want to be home. But I’ll be there soon enough. And I’ll be able to help her more.

What other things of interest have happened lately?

Thursday night, after finals were officially over, anne and I went to SamSam with 3 thai guys that go to WUT. Dau, Duke, and I forgot the other guy’s name. Only Dau spoke decent English. Duke bought me a rose from a young girl who was selling them on the street. We just hung out for awhile and talked about differences between America and Thailand. The ghetto dvd guy came to SamSam around midnight. He’s in love with me and it makes me upset. I have to see him every time I go to the night market. He tells my Webster friends how much he likes me and then they tell me and then I get uncomfortable all over again. It’s somewhat flattering though. I posted a picture of him in an earlier blog entry. His name, I found out, is “Crab” and he likes whiskey. So we hung out with Crab and his entourage until about 2am. And then we went back to VIP. And went to sleep.

I was sick the whole next day.

A note on people here laughing and staring at me…

Apparently, my nose ring is hilarious and fascinating. I didn’t realize it before, but found out through looks and giggles and being stared at by everyone, especially children and middle-aged men. I have come so close to taking it out. The attention is not flattering. It is annoying. I don’t like children, and I don’t like being stared at. I know, I know. Most people here have never seen it before. But do they realize it is rude to stare? I said to Anne, “You know, I never laugh at foreigners in America. I never make them feel uncomfortable like that.” And she said, “Well there are more of them in America than here” and that is true, but still. Come on, Thailand. Give me a break. I’ve seen plenty of Thai punk boys here with crazy hair, tattoos, and facial piercings. Boys that are much more extreme than myself. Stare at them a little.

Also, a few times when I have spoken simple thai words, such as hello (sa-wat-dee ka) and thank you, I get laughed at. Xavier wai-ed at someone the other day and they laughed at him.

I try not to take offense to all this mockery, but I get embarrassed easily. even worse, after they are finished laughing at me, they talk in Thai amongst themselves and I have no idea what they’re saying. When people see my nose ring, they turn to each other and point to their noses and start speaking in Thai. I HATE it.

being in thailand causes me to reminisce about my childhood. aspects of my childhood. swim practice, my grandparents house, movies with my dad, watching fireworks with my mom, sleepovers and middle school, lockers and gym class. everything that i don't think about on a daily basis, i think about now. i remember these things. it brings me comfort somehow, knowing that i found the utmost joy in these areas of life and because of these experiences, i shouldn't worry. because i'll have many more of them in the future. what is it about being here, though, that makes me think about them constantly? maybe i have more time on my hands. maybe im more worried about the future, about coming back to st. louis and finding a career. maybe my mind is just more open. maybe im happier. i don't really know. i had a dream during my four hour nap today that i visited my childhood home. from the time i was a baby till about 4 years old, i lived with my mom and grandparents in my grandparents 2-story house in chesterfield. that's where i met suzy, my best friend till this day. i love that time of my life and im glad that even though i was so young, i can still remember precise moments. most of them involve suzy because we were constantly together. we would scream and cry when our moms wouldn't let us have sleepovers. one time suzy snuck out of her house and ran the block to my house, just so she could spend the night. her mom found her and it felt like the most tragic thing in the universe. not being able to be with your best friend. in a stream of consciousness, i feel that way now. i wanna be near suzy. i wanna be near beth. both are going through serious things in their lives and i just can't be there. in a couple months i will be.. but for how long? i don't know. i need a sign or something.

i really do not like bangkok. i have been there twice now and each time, the idea of spending more than 24 hours in that city makes me cringe. the air is thick with smog and smoke and pollution and after an hour of being there, you feel like your body is covered in a layer of grime and your pores are filled to the rim with bacteria. you sweat, you ache, you cough, you wanna take a shower. that's what bangkok does to me.

this is funny.
article from the bangkok post.

Taxi driver Nuamthong Praiwan, who rammed his car into a tank parked at the Royal Plaza on Sept 30, felt the need to show to the world that the Sept 19 coup must not be allowed to go unopposed. While admirers of the coup have tossed bouquets at tanks and troops, he thought he must rise to the challenge and make it clear there were still other people who disagreed with the coup.

''More than enough flowers were given away like in festivities.

''Bricks are too small for a tank, so I decided to bang the cab against it to make an impact,'' Mr Nuamthong said from his bed at Wachira Hospital where he is recuperating.

The taxi driver is now making a good recovery after he broke three ribs in the high-speed crash.

He said he risked death to tell the world that he and many other Thais refused to go along with the coup-makers who he said wanted to take back their power which had been lost to business tycoons and politicians over ten years ago.

Mr Nuamthong condemned coup sympathisers for supporting the coup-makers in bringing Thailand to a standstill,

''While we are not moving anywhere, our neighbours like Vietnam will come from behind and overtake us, while Malaysia and Singapore have left us standing in the dust,'' he said.

Mr Nuamthong praised the example set by Burmese opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi who had been patiently fighting for democracy for her country.

He said the coup had brought disgrace to the nation as he saw foreigners chuckling as they read newspapers near the tanks at the Royal Plaza.

He said it took him three days to decide to crash his taxi into the tank and he assured it would not be the last time he did so.

''It could happen again if I notice something dubious,'' said Mr Nuamthong, who had to pay 30,000 baht to repair his damaged taxi.

He tried to dispel suspicions that his actions were motivated by his sympathy for deposed prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra.

The taxi driver insisted he was not particularly enthusiastic about Mr Thaksin, but he felt that Thai people needed to exercise more tolerance to achieve a peaceful transformation through democratic elections.

at some point in my life, i just stopped caring. i can't pinpoint exactly what it is that i stopped caring about. but it has to do with.. the meaning of things? maybe? i dunno. i used to really value the importance of recording experiences. i used to write in a journal everyday, sometimes twice a day. i would write down how i felt, how i thought others felt, what time i woke up in the morning, what i ate that day.. and even though some of that information might not seem important.. for some reason, it meant something at that certain time and i'm glad i wrote it down. i still want to do that. i still want to have a need to want to pick up on little things and keep notes and journals, stuff i can look back at and feel nostalgia from. but stuff.. i don't know exactly what stuff.. but stuff just doesn't affect me in the same way it used to. i've grown tired, i procrastinate, in some ways i am lazy. it must be getting older. i used constantly engage in creative activities. i would write stories, poems, draw, etc. now just the thought of it makes me tired. i want so badly to feel that way again. i need to be creative again. most everything depends on it. but how do i get that back?

and why am i writing this in my thailand blog?

well, i guess, because i feel i should be recording all my experiences here, the moment they happen, because this is a unique few months in my life that i want to remember and learn from. and i'm just not writing much at all. not nearly as much as i'd have hoped to. i still take pictures constantly. maybe pictures have replaced the writing. maybe.

yesterday anne and i were supposed to go rock climbing. we found out 30 minutes after the bus was supposed to pick us up that it had been cancelled. because not enough people signed up. oh well. that's 600 baht we didn't have to spend. and a day of sore muscles. so we went in to town. we went to a cafe called "True Coffee" or something. it was very cute. we got crepes. you wouldn't expect to find crepes in Thailand, but they're here. then we went to elephant village. i know i said i wouldn't go.. but i just went to look. they tried to get us to ride the elephants. we refused. they thought we wouldn't do it cause we were scared. kept saying, "it is safe, you are buckled in." i said, "no.. that's not why.." but she didn't understand. so anne and i just walked around elephant village and it was kind of depressing. all these elephants chained up, poo everywhere, stupid kids taunting the animals. i dunno. it wasn't great.

so then we went back to VIP. and then to the pool. and we didn't swim because the water was too cold so we just sat off to the side and talked and talked. and then we went to ninos and tried to use the internet but it wasn't working. so we left and i decided to swim after that. anne and i swam laps and really got a good workout. we tried to hold our breath as long as we could and i felt really weird the rest of the night. my lungs felt funny. we had an awkward conversation with a thai guy who couldn't really speak english at all. and then we went back to the room, which was getting cleaned by some ladies that nino knew. so now our room is spic and span. no more dirty carpet.

and then we got ready and we went in to town with Jamie and Nisa to get thai massages. oh my god. an hour long massage is only 200 baht. that's like.. $5. incredible. best massage ever. you feel really drowsy afterwards, but it's great. and they give you this great tea before and after the massage. it's the best tea i've ever had. it's made by boiling ginger, i think. so after the massages, we stumbled around the night market, bought fruit, and went home. anne, jamie, and i ate at ninos and watched as anne got hit on by a total creepazoid who wants to buy her armani perfume.

i went back to the room and watched nip/tuck and ate popcorn that my mom sent me from st.louis. and that's that.


on friday.. i slept till 4:30pm. i really don't know how i did it. it was insane. and then we went to jamie's 2nd muay thai fight. he won, but got hurt. he has a bruised eye. and he's sore. the guy knee'd him one too many times.